"I would love to be married, BUT I have so many things I want to do in life...I don't wanna wake up at 87 and realize that it's just me and the electric blanket - again. But I also don't want to wake up at 87 resenting the fella next to me for the things I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't do because I was a wife and/or mother."
That, my friends, is a wonderfully put response from fellow blogger, Reasonably Happy Girl (love your name by the way) to my earlier question about marriage.
RHG's words got me to thinking about the circumstances surrounding my last relationship. And here are my 3 confessions:
- I absolutely LOVED that man and I will for a long time (he was perfect for me at that time and I will be eternally appreciative of the impact he had on my life).
- I wanted to marry him and have beautiful, curly haired, brown babies together...
- But, not just yet! I was not ready to get married at the age of 24, after having just finished school, and not having a house, an investment or a barely even a hobby to call my own. (Thankfully, he felt the same way about his life and I'm grateful that we parted with mutual intentions and goals.)
While he was always supportive of my dreams and ambitions and while he often pushed me to succeed harder than I pushed myself , I was always hesitant to take on my own challenges. In retrospect, I think I was scared of having to alter or even reject some of my dreams in order to take him into consideration. For example, if I wanted to move to a Spanish-speaking country for a summer to immerse myself in the language and culture, I wouldn't without consulting my boyfriend first.
For the past 6 years, I've had to add 2 separate boyfriends' feelings and opinions about my life to my life's equation. (Yup, I jumped from one relationship to another in a mere space of 3 months - but I was young and boy-crazy.) I was operating on a "we" not "me" basis. But, no more. I have wisened up: "Chevy, get a life!"
I, like, Reasonably Happy Girl, know now that my happiness and my dreams cannot be wrapped up in a man (no matter how wonderful he is). It's about time I pursue my life unabashedly. I have designated 2008 to be a selfish year... but it's the good kind of selfish!
How will you be the "good kind of selfish" this year?
-Chevy
4 comments:
I like that: "being selfish"! It takes a certain amount of maturity to admit that you want time just for yourself. That's what I've been enjoying about being single: making my own decisions and doing my own thing -- without having to answer to ANYBODY!
And I think whenever I do get married I'll want some "selfish" time with him before we have babies!
YAY to selfish singles like us! :-)
Thanks for the shout out. I got the name for my blog from the Serenity Prayer.
And as I tell my girlfriends, "I gotta be 'me' before I can be 'we.'" And my favorite new quote (on being single) that I found while doing research on marriage - "If you're not happy single, you won't be happy married."
Being single is so underrated these days.
Emma, I like the way you think. I also want to spend a good chunk of time with my potential beau before we decide to have little urchins. I've always said 3-4 years.
RHG, I love that quote: "If you're not happy single, you won't be happy married." I will quote you on my blog!
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