The good kind...

"I would love to be married, BUT I have so many things I want to do in life...I don't wanna wake up at 87 and realize that it's just me and the electric blanket - again. But I also don't want to wake up at 87 resenting the fella next to me for the things I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't do because I was a wife and/or mother."

That, my friends, is a wonderfully put response from fellow blogger, Reasonably Happy Girl (love your name by the way) to my earlier question about marriage.

RHG's words got me to thinking about the circumstances surrounding my last relationship. And here are my 3 confessions:

1. I absolutely LOVED that man and I will for a long time (he was perfect for me at that time and I will be eternally appreciative of the impact he had on my life).


2. I wanted to marry him and have beautiful, curly haired, brown babies together...


3. But, not just yet! I was not ready to get married at the age of 24, after having just finished school, and not having a house, an investment or a barely even a hobby to call my own. (Thankfully, he felt the same way about his life and I'm grateful that we parted with mutual intentions and goals.)

While he was always supportive of my dreams and ambitions and while he often pushed me to succeed harder than I pushed myself , I was always hesitant to take on my own challenges. In retrospect, I think I was scared of having to alter or even reject some of my dreams in order to take him into consideration. For example, if I wanted to move to a Spanish-speaking country for a summer to immerse myself in the language and culture, I wouldn't without consulting my boyfriend first.

For the past 6 years, I've had to add 2 separate boyfriends' feelings and opinions about my life to my life's equation. (Yup, I jumped from one relationship to another in a mere space of 3 months - but I was young and boy-crazy.) I was operating on a "we" not "me" basis. But, no more. I have wisened up: "Chevy, get a life!"

I, like, Reasonably Happy Girl, know now that my happiness and my dreams cannot be wrapped up in a man (no matter how wonderful he is). It's about time I pursue my life unabashedly. I have designated 2008 to be a selfish year... but it's the good kind of selfish!

How will you be the "good kind of selfish" this year?

-Chevy

I do or I don't?

Ok, there was no eye candy to be found on the beach on Sunday. Just lots of tubby middle-aged men with their adorable kids romping in the water.

However, one thing I did enjoy while sipping my pina colada and roasting in the Caribbean sun, was chatting with my girlfriend. She's about 16 years older than I am, but we get along uncanningly well. She's been single for a long time - not because she's incapable of getting or keeping a man - or because she has a hairy wart growing out of her nostril. She's in great shape, attractive, intelligent and really approachable. Her reason for not being married at 40-something was that she had tried marriage and didn't want to go that route again. Fact is, her husband passed away after just a few years of their union (doesn't your heart just break for her?). When I listened for the first time to this chapter of her life, I thought also of my aunt who divorced in her mid 40's and who, now at 60-something, is the hottest single chick in town.

Women like these are my heroes, particularly because they live in a society (the Caribbean) that is sluggishly departing from the notion that something must be inherently wrong with a single 30 year old woman. Now, I have roughly 4 more years to go before people start looking at me cross-eyed. But I often wonder, do I really want to get hitched? The older I get the less appealing marriage becomes. I figure I have quite some time to make up my mind.

What about you? Do you never intend to get married and why? OR Did you feel that way once, but someone/ something changed your mind?