Dating Differently

I bow my head, kiss your hands and beg for your forgiveness for I have been delinquent in posting to this blog. I'm sorry ladies and gents! Life has been BEEEZY!

I've been working super hard to move into my new house before September...I think I can make it. Take my advice, don't build if you can buy! But then again, I've never bought so I don't know the obstacles that presents...but man, oh man, has building been a headache! I just wanna move out of my parents' house already! Is that too much for a girl to ask?!

So, on the dating and love front, here's the latest:

1. I've decided to actively seek out different kinds of guys to date. In the past, I've only ever dated black guys, not because of preference but because of fear of the unknown. My sister and I made up our minds to become equal opportunity daters. So, we are checking out new scenes where the crowd is more mixed culturally and ethnically. Why limit myself to one kind of guy when there's a plethora of interesting, fun males out there who, I've discovered, are willing to get to know me on a deeper level!

2. I've taken Emma's advice and I've begun dating a guy that doesn't fit my usual dating criteria at all, which usually looks like this: Tall, broad-shouldered, dark skinned, youngish (25-32), about a 6-8 on the looks scale (think the rapper Common or actor Isaiah Washington) New guy, whom I'll call, Latin Lover or L2, is average height, has an average-build has a creamy-olive skin tone, he's 37, and about a 4-5 on the looks scale. Oh but I love that when he laughs his eyes disappear behind his lashes and his smile lines completely transform his face! And that his gaze commands reciprocation!

We had an instant connection one day when he came by my house to deliver a product that he sells. We literally sat on my back porch for an hour and talked about his home town, our families, our life here on the island. It was almost natural talking to him. Since then we have gone on 3 really good dates (2 lunches and one afternoon at the beach) filled with great conversation. He's intelligent, confident, funny, talkative, family-oriented, warm and genuine. He wants to get together again this weekend.

But here's the catch: He's a bit intense for me. Because he's 37 and never been married and doesn't have kids he's clearly expressed an interest in finding wife material. Also, L2's a self-described "tactile person". Translation: very touchy-feely (a little too much, too early in my opinion). We kissed on the last date. He thought it was amazing; I thought it was so-so.

I've explained to him that I'm at a point in my life where I don't want a serious relationship. I'm just looking to get know people and to make great connections with different personalities. I said that I'm not at a place to start thinking about family and marriage, he says he understands and appreciates that. But he still really wants to see me?

Does this sound like he's hoping he'll get lucky? Whaddya think?

Once again, thanks for being super- patient with me. I'm off to check out what you all have been up to!

On Potential!

You know the type. "Oh, he's great.He's just got a lot of things going on." Or, "He's been through a lot".

He is the guy with POTENTIAL!

Fundamentally, he's a nice guy who's a little rough around the edges. You two have sat and talked for hours about everything and nothing. He's incrediby fun to be around and there's no pressure to" have your act together" when you're with him. You're equally comfortable hanging out at his place as you would be if he were to take you out to eat (but you soon realize that he doesn't ever do that!)

A guy with potential is whom I've been 'talking' to for the past couple months. We've known each other for a long time and we reconnected on a semi-romantic level just a while ago. He wants to go back to school to finish his degree but (insert a laundry list of excuses here). He will get his act together when (insert another long list). He just needs to complete (abstract reason A, B and C). I briefly entertained the thought, "perhaps we could work if (insert my own laundry list here)."

Then, I got smart. I am 25 years old. No matter how "good" of a guy he is, I am too mature and too wise to be hanging on to a man with potential. I want to be romantically involved with a man that has "potended!" (Yes, I just made up a word! LOL!) I'm not looking for perfection or completeness, just someone who is well on his way to his personal vision - not someone who's hardly getting started.

So, I initiated the "let's just be friends" talk and he completely understood my reasoning behind it. It may sound harsh, but I am too old for projects.

What I've been up to:



You may have noticed that I don't post as often as I used to. Life is hectic. I am bored. I need a diversion.





Life is hectic because I'm coming down to the final stages of building my house and there are soooo many little details to consider! Aagh! Can I just move in already?



I am bored because whenever I go out I come back home thinking, "Well, that was a fun time with girl friend X, but geesh, there was absolutely no eye-candy." Chevy wants to get her flirt on with an attractive, well-adjusted guy! Is that too much to ask.



I'll say it again: I need a diversion!

10 Things We Wish Guys Knew

1. We don't actually like showering in your shower. While it matters little to you, we prefer to stand in our own grime.



2. We don't believe you when you say that our flaws are beautiful. If you really meant that, then you wouldn't even acknowledge them as flaws.



3. We don't like your flap jack pillows. Just splurge a little to make me feel like I'm not sleeping on a concrete slab.



4. We can tell when you don't like our new, funky hairstyle because you glare freakishly into our eyes and never look up past our eyebrows.


5. We think your apartment smells a little, but your cute butt makes up for everything! Plus, who wants to date a guy whose house smells like potpourri?



6. We HATE when you switch up the rhythm when things are going SO well! (ladies, you know what I mean!)



7. We don't think it's cute when you lick our face...no matter how many years we've been dating. Please keep all primitive instincts to yourself!



8. We didn't make time in our busy schedule to plunk down on a Tuesday night to watch the LOTR trilogy or to play the latest playstation game. Come over here and rub my feet, dagnabbit! (lol)



9. We notice when you've swept the dust bunnies under the sofa in an attempt to make the place clean for us!



10. And finally, even with all these less than desirable traits and practices, we're still crazy about you! We know it's equally as frustrating to deal with our quirks.






So ladies, what have I missed? Or was I wrong altogether?

Other Fish, er Friends, in the Sea

I cannot be your only source of entertainment! I cannot be your only friend! I will not find something for you to do this and every weekend. And I will no longer tolerate your trying to make me feel guilty for not calling you all weekend.

That's what I really wanted to say to my friend, but instead I chickened out and ignored a couple of calls or called her back much later when it was 'convenient' for me to listen to her guilt trip me. See, she moved here last year and until we met there were few people that she hung out with. I mean, if you had mangled your hand in a blender and gotten 3 fingers amputated - that's how many acquaintances she had.

Granted, life on this rock can get boring and it is hard to meet new people sometime. However, just because we hit it off and we have a lot in common does not mean that I want to spend all my weekends with you.

Let me pause for a confession here: My name is Chevy and I have a history of strained relationships with girl friends. I have not had the typical girl friend relationship of gossiping and BFFing since my sophomore year in college. I lke my space, I like my privacy and I don't care to know about anybody else's business unless it's my own. I am the type of girl friend you call up to go get a drink, to accompany you to a staff party when you don't have a date, or that you take to the club when you both want to get your flirt on. Don't be mistakened, I'll drive you to the hospital when you get an appendicitis. I'll bring you soup every day till you get better. I'll listen to your concerns and share some of mine. But I will not allow you to hold it over my head when I decide that I need some space and quiet time.

My friend Jen is a great girl. She's funny. She's caring. She's smart. But she's also a little clingy. I admit, ignoring her calls was a mean and cowardly thing to do. For that I have apologized. I needed to 'fess up and tell her that I felt like she was crowding my space. But now, she's found other friends in an exercise class with whom she's going to get drinks and I can't help but feel proud! She's branching out and forsaking her comfort zone. She'll find even more new and interesting people on my little rock to plan weekends with. She'll have less time worrying about me and why I didn't call her on Saturday. All thanks and no thanks to me and my not-so-healthy brand of distancing myself from her.

Here's my take on friendships: You cannot expect one person to provide you with all the things you need to feel happy and whole. You have to find your joy and excitement in various people, activities and places. Friendships should never be monogamous.

That said, I look forward to hanging out with Jen again and hearing about her newly formed friendships. Even so, I can't help feeling a little guilty about the momentary tension between us - hopefully time and honesty (on my part) will heal that.

Luca, Cyrus, or Aesop...I'll Never Know

It is lunch time. I am famished. I join the line by the sidewalk kiosk for a chicken wrap behind a tall, tan Mediterranean (good) looking guy dressed in a chef's suit (sans hat). He turns around. I smile and say hi.

****Heart. Be. Still.****

He's Mediterranean (weakness #1)

He can cook...really, really well (weakness #2)

He has a great accent (weakness #3)

****************************

He invites me to jump the line ahead of him. I accept wondering if he's gonna check out my butt (please don't be a creep!). He's in the middle of complimenting me on my hair (just got a new haircut, btw) when the wind whips in and blows some papers out of his hand. He goes running after them. I offer to help, but he insists that he's okay. He runs behind the food kiosk searching for the rest of his stash, laughing at himself.

It's my turn to order now. I look around wanting to ask him if he'd like me to order something for him since the line is growing longer by the second. But he has disappeared. I collect my chicken tahini wrap and walk back to my car thinking..."I bet his name was Luca...or something Mediterraneanly sexy like that!"

Next to "Chevy" in the Dictionary...

Convivial

Cheerful

Affable

Introverted or Extroverted (depending on the time of month (so says my mom))

Passionate

Caring

Cautious

Reserved

Intimidating (if you don't know me)

Creatively Fashionable

Stern

Pensive

Classic

Intelligent

Sexy

Well-mannered

Pulchritudinous (had to look that one up)

Quiet

Considerate

Honest

Methodical

That is what my close friends and familly came up with when I asked each of them to describe my personality in 5 words.

I am quiet and introverted because deep down I'm shy. I'm cheerful because I like to make people feel welcome. But I guess I can be intimidating and stern when I'm placed in situations where people could mistake my cheerful attitude for a weak, impressionable one. I AM methodical and pensive...it's the Libra in me. Got to weigh the pros and the cons and everything in between before I commit to anything (It does get exhausting sometimes). I do have a big heart - always rooting for the underdog.

I think they've got me pegged.

What would your folks say about you?