Babies on the Mind

Not that you're even remotely interested, but here's my ever evolving list of baby names for when I find my husband and start making babies ...tee hee!

Girls
1. Noemie / Naomi
2. Isabella
3. Adriana
4. Nnena

Boys
1. Adrian
2. Damian
3. Micah
4. Jude

Thanks for indulging me. I'm off to clean my new house...about 2 weeks away from moving in! YAY!!

Back-up Mate

"Open in case of current relationship's demise"

What if life were so sick and twisted that you could place humans in fragile, glass cases - like those surrounding fire extinguishers - and break them should you need a back-up man. Wait a second! In many instances, life IS that sick and twisted!

In the latest issue of Psychology today - my new favorite magazine - the article, Love's Plan B explores the human tendency to keep a roster of back-up romantic possibilities, specifically when we are involved in a serious relationship. The "back-up mate is not fling material; it's a man or woman viable as a serious partner in his or her own right." It's the friend or acquaintance of the opposite sex that you would date seriously it you were not already in a relationship. It's the friend that your mind wanders to when your current love nest isn't so lovely. It's your alternative - albeit non-viable - but an alternative nonetheless. According to this article, many of us have this inherent need to always examine the options. Read it here: http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20080718-000009.html

As a single girl, I'm happy to not be stuck in this position. In retrospect, I must admit that I did sometimes wish for a back-up mate, but that desire occurred only in cases of extreme frustration with my now ex-boyfriend. But while I was in the relationship, I was too devoted to our bond to even seriously pursue (for lack of a better term) a back-up mate. I am what my friends call "tragically monogamous" in relationships. What can I say? I believe in emotional, mental and physical fidelity! Blame my parents who've been happily married for 34 years...not me! (yes, I am being a tad narrow minded)

Anyway, what do you make of this "back-up mate" idea? Have you ever had 'back-up mates' while involved in a serious relationship? Did anything ever become of it?

People Make My World Go Round

How many personalities are present in your life? Look at your closest friends: Would they all get along if they were forced to live in a studio apartment for a month? If your friends are anything like mine, then the answer is "Hell NO".

I have a united nations make-up of friends: Some that are really introspective and deep thinkers. Some that are kinda shallow but terribly sweet. Some that you can party all night long with. Some that I could sit in a coffee shop and talk to for hours on a Friday night.

Some of my friends have never met each other. But they've heard of each other. They may never meet, but they've all met me and that's what's most important to me. Narcissistic? Nope, just realistic.

Each friend taps into a different part of my being, fulfilling a specific need. They will probably all meet at my wedding or my funeral. This reality doesn't make me a flake. It says that I'm aware that no one person can be everything to me.

My dating experiences have been similar. There's Intellectual Guy with whom I could discuss politics endlessly. There's Carnal Guy with whom the times roaming the streets and the times between the sheets were mind-blowing! There's Spiritual Guy with whom I could ponder the greater meaning of life.

What's interesting is that with each person I become close to, whether on a platonic or romantic level, I discover more deeply a part of me I did not know existed or that I sub-consciously suppressed. I believe it's important to tap into these hidden parts of myself to come to a greater understanding of who I am...all the while, remaining true to my fundamental self...but sometimes even she can be shaken up by circumstances.

Who knows when I'll be able to look in the mirror and completely define myself...frankly, I hope never. My quarter-life crisis has been teaching me to shrug off boxes that I've placed myself in. I'm learning to try and try and try until I find the things that fit.

Nevertheless, I am grateful for the people God throws into my path to accompany me along the ride.

Still Life

Do you remember that scene in "What's Love Got to Do With It" where Tina Turner's character chants a Buddhist mantra? She rocks and chants herself into another realm until she seemingly finds inner peace.

Well, I'm no Buddhist. Fact is, I was raised in a very conservative Christian home; therefore my morals and values are based on the teachings of Jesus Christ. I'm happy for that because it introduced me to a higher power that I know exists. I feel and see God in nature, in people, in my circumstances. You may believe something different. I respect that.

However, as I grow older I question the role of organized religion in the world. I know people of Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, and Muslim faiths that are seemingly equally contented and at peace with themself and the world. They are convicted in their beliefs and they spread their wealth of knowledge and experience with those who are willing to listen.

So, my question is where do I fit in amongst all the - sometimes different, yet sometimes very similar - mores that govern these faiths? Do I try on each of them for size in an effort to "reach God" until I find the one that works best? Do I go with what I already know and forget about the rest?

Here's what I do believe. Whether or not this falls under the teachings of a particular holy book or that of a prohet matters little to me at this point.

I believe in God. That s/he is omnipresent and omniscient. That s/he is found in and a part of every earthly creation but s/he manifests its most profound self through human beings. I am created in the image of God. That s/he created me for a purpose that s/he had in mind for ages. That it is up to me to be still, and receptive and perceptive to his/her calling for me. That I must tap into my heart, my soul, my mind in order to connect to him/her. That I am here on earth to listen, learn and show love.

So, I've pledged to dedicate at least 15 minutes of every day to discover and rediscover my creator and subsequently, my purpose. I've even designated a room in my new house as a place of meditation and introspection. I'll let you know how it goes and the challenges and revelations (if any) that I encounter. Wish me luck!

Big Buts

There were very BIG 'buts' in the way of L2 and I having anything romantic in the near future (see my previous post). We sussed it out over roasted turkey and mashed taters at lunch on Friday. We decided that in spite of our obvious instant connection, we won't work out long-term. He's very serious about finding a mate - as he should be at this point in his life. I'm very serious about finding myself - as I need to be at this point in my life. So trying to attract intentions of two different poles would be futile. The inevitable, yet amicable, 'let's just be friends' talk occured. We walked away feeling a little awkward - I'm sure he felt it more because he was more transparent with his feelings toward me than mine toward his.





Nevertheless, I'm so grateful for this experience for numerous reasons:





1. This was my first mature dating situation since college (kinda builds my confidence, you know?)


2. I learned to be transparent even at the risk of hurting someone's feelings (I preserved self before trying to preserve others)


3. He reminded me of the importance of meditation and spiritual connections with other people, self, God and the earth (dude is deep).


4. He reminded me of the importance of eye-contact (his level of eye-contact takes some getting used to, but I soon learned that you cannot even embellish a story when looking intently into another's eyes - it demands raw honesty)


5. Life is too short and too precious to waste my time and anyone else's. It's important to know what I do and don't want and live my life accordingly...unapologetically.

What's one profound thing you learned from your dating experiences?

Dating Differently

I bow my head, kiss your hands and beg for your forgiveness for I have been delinquent in posting to this blog. I'm sorry ladies and gents! Life has been BEEEZY!

I've been working super hard to move into my new house before September...I think I can make it. Take my advice, don't build if you can buy! But then again, I've never bought so I don't know the obstacles that presents...but man, oh man, has building been a headache! I just wanna move out of my parents' house already! Is that too much for a girl to ask?!

So, on the dating and love front, here's the latest:

1. I've decided to actively seek out different kinds of guys to date. In the past, I've only ever dated black guys, not because of preference but because of fear of the unknown. My sister and I made up our minds to become equal opportunity daters. So, we are checking out new scenes where the crowd is more mixed culturally and ethnically. Why limit myself to one kind of guy when there's a plethora of interesting, fun males out there who, I've discovered, are willing to get to know me on a deeper level!

2. I've taken Emma's advice and I've begun dating a guy that doesn't fit my usual dating criteria at all, which usually looks like this: Tall, broad-shouldered, dark skinned, youngish (25-32), about a 6-8 on the looks scale (think the rapper Common or actor Isaiah Washington) New guy, whom I'll call, Latin Lover or L2, is average height, has an average-build has a creamy-olive skin tone, he's 37, and about a 4-5 on the looks scale. Oh but I love that when he laughs his eyes disappear behind his lashes and his smile lines completely transform his face! And that his gaze commands reciprocation!

We had an instant connection one day when he came by my house to deliver a product that he sells. We literally sat on my back porch for an hour and talked about his home town, our families, our life here on the island. It was almost natural talking to him. Since then we have gone on 3 really good dates (2 lunches and one afternoon at the beach) filled with great conversation. He's intelligent, confident, funny, talkative, family-oriented, warm and genuine. He wants to get together again this weekend.

But here's the catch: He's a bit intense for me. Because he's 37 and never been married and doesn't have kids he's clearly expressed an interest in finding wife material. Also, L2's a self-described "tactile person". Translation: very touchy-feely (a little too much, too early in my opinion). We kissed on the last date. He thought it was amazing; I thought it was so-so.

I've explained to him that I'm at a point in my life where I don't want a serious relationship. I'm just looking to get know people and to make great connections with different personalities. I said that I'm not at a place to start thinking about family and marriage, he says he understands and appreciates that. But he still really wants to see me?

Does this sound like he's hoping he'll get lucky? Whaddya think?

Once again, thanks for being super- patient with me. I'm off to check out what you all have been up to!

On Potential!

You know the type. "Oh, he's great.He's just got a lot of things going on." Or, "He's been through a lot".

He is the guy with POTENTIAL!

Fundamentally, he's a nice guy who's a little rough around the edges. You two have sat and talked for hours about everything and nothing. He's incrediby fun to be around and there's no pressure to" have your act together" when you're with him. You're equally comfortable hanging out at his place as you would be if he were to take you out to eat (but you soon realize that he doesn't ever do that!)

A guy with potential is whom I've been 'talking' to for the past couple months. We've known each other for a long time and we reconnected on a semi-romantic level just a while ago. He wants to go back to school to finish his degree but (insert a laundry list of excuses here). He will get his act together when (insert another long list). He just needs to complete (abstract reason A, B and C). I briefly entertained the thought, "perhaps we could work if (insert my own laundry list here)."

Then, I got smart. I am 25 years old. No matter how "good" of a guy he is, I am too mature and too wise to be hanging on to a man with potential. I want to be romantically involved with a man that has "potended!" (Yes, I just made up a word! LOL!) I'm not looking for perfection or completeness, just someone who is well on his way to his personal vision - not someone who's hardly getting started.

So, I initiated the "let's just be friends" talk and he completely understood my reasoning behind it. It may sound harsh, but I am too old for projects.