Sigh!

The New Year is here and I'm cautious about what's ahead. You see, I ended 2008 wrapped up in bed, feeling sorry for myself and feeling very, very alone.

I found out that BMF is really not worthy of that acronym Best Male Friend and should probably be called WISC (Wolf in Sheep's Clothing) instead. That bastard was trying to get me to be his girlfriend (even though I had my reservations) while he was running around with at least FOUR other women! Yes, FOUR (that I know of).

I had done some research after things started seeming suspicious and when those suspicions were confirmed, I got that jackass out of my bed and kicked him out of my house on the day after Christmas. He was instructed not to contact me and to forget my address. We have not spoken since.

So, you can imagine how festive my holiday season was! Instead of peace, joy, love I experienced strife, heartbreak and hatred in it's purest form. I purged my life, my house, and my car of any reminders of him and I'm better for it!

I cannot say yet that I don't think about him everyday or that I don't have stupid dreams at night of him and I talking, hugging, even kissing! I promise you, I hate him and I don't want to talk to or see him. But a part of me will never understand why he would do this to me after we had had such a strong platonic connection for almost 14 years. I wasn't some trick he met in the club. He was like family to me, to my family, to my friends. We adored and trusted him.

But, now that the clouds in my mind are steadily vanishing, I see that what happened to me had very little to do with me. I cannot heap his issues or his irresponsibility on my shoulders. His behaviour is HIS responsibility. The only way in which I'm culpable is that I didn't listen to my gut the last time it told me not to get into a serious relationship with him.

So, my friends, the big lesson from 2008 for me was

"Go with your gut! It's an expert at identifying and eliminating the toxins in your life."